Seasons of the past #2

Mother’s Day 2017

Today was tough. Mostly I was too busy working to really dwell too much. It always catches up though…

Not long ago I planned a dinner party. I did my best to get off work early and I rushed home to clean. If I learned anything from my mom it was that you never have people over unless things look nice. I frantically rushed against the clock to cook, clean, and prepare for a party. As I worked I couldn’t help but remember the countless parties, dinners and events hosted at our house. Invariably, my mom would reach a stress point that always involved something not being quite right. Someone needs to vacuum, I don’t have time to cook, no one is helping me enough!

This time, I had to set up by myself, but I could almost sense her presence; it’s more important to vacuum than to get the flowers in the vase. Get the apps ready and finish cooking the entree later. Make sure there’s places for everyone to sit. All these little calculations running through her mind…my mind now.

On a day of working a “Mothers Day Brunch” there is no way for me to ignore my loss. Today it really, really hurts. This sucks and there’s not much to do about it. Platitudes won’t fix this. Knowing that I’m a better person because of her won’t make it hurt less. Today is Mother’s Day. My mom isn’t here anymore. I’m grateful for each moment we had, but today I’ll forgive myself for wishing I could’ve had a few more. If only I could tell her, “I love you” one more time…

love you mom.

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